Finding Faith in 57 Days of Uncertainty

“But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.” Psalm 13:5

It was very early on Sunday, February 22, when I was aroused out of a sound sleep by a quiet “ding” on my phone. Opening my phone at 5:32 a.m., caller ID told me it was the hospital. My stomach sank. This could not be good news.

The doctor identified himself as one of the cardiologists on my husband’s surgery team. Barry’s blood pressure had dropped dangerously low, his heart had stopped, and he had been resuscitated. They had located a spontaneous bleed in his lower right back, and he had received multiple units of blood. He was placed on an ECMO machine to help his heart pump blood to his body.

The call ended, and I sat there stunned. We were already 17 days into his recovery after several setbacks—and now this! I remembered Psalm 13, where David moves from “How long, Lord?” to “But I trust in your unfailing love.” I trusted God, but I sure felt helpless in that moment. I knew God was in control of whatever happened in Barry’s life, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t frightened of what might be ahead.

What was expected to be a five- to six-day hospital stay had turned into one setback after another. Barry struggled with low oxygen levels, fluid retention, kidney problems requiring dialysis, and repeated trips back to the ventilator. Then came the life-threatening internal bleeding.

At the height of his medical care, he had 13 IV bags hanging around his bed, a ventilator, the dialysis machine, and the ECMO machine. This was a very hard time for me! I sometimes feared the worst-case scenario and how that would wreck my life. I wondered if Barry would be permanently disabled or bedridden. It was hard to keep my mind on positive things, but I felt I had to be strong because my kids and grandkids counted on me.

February 9^th – 3 days after his surgery

This Scripture encouraged me:

Psalm 46:1–2 — “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear…”

My daily trips to the hospital in York were an hour each way. I often spent those drives talking with one of my closest friends. She encouraged me, prayed with me, and gave me a safe place to share my deepest fears. Those drive conversations became my lifeline. Through her, God reminded me that I was not alone.

During those hard weeks, our prayer updates became more specific. Our church family, friends, extended family, and life group lifted us before a gracious God. Their prayers began to replace my feelings of helplessness with hope.

Slowly, we began to see answers to those prayers. Barry’s blood pressure stabilized, he came off the ventilator and ECMO, began eating again, and little improvements continued to come. Our last big prayer was for his kidneys to recover enough for him to come off dialysis. The staff had already registered him for outpatient dialysis in preparation for his discharge.

Barry was eventually moved to the step-down unit and then to a rehab hospital. It was there that God answered our desperate prayers regarding dialysis. His kidney numbers began to normalize, and his kidneys began to work on their own.

On March 30, we got the best news of all: no more dialysis would be necessary! Thank you, God!

One of the best moments of his recovery was a conversation with his kidney doctor. When the doctor told Barry he wouldn’t need dialysis anymore, he said, “You are a miracle.”

Barry responded, “There are hundreds of people praying for me,” and the doctor agreed that prayer is a wonderful thing.

God’s faithfulness was present not only in the good outcome, but also during the frightening days when I did not yet know how the story would end.

After 57 days in two hospitals, Barry came home on Good Friday, April 3! It was good to have him home for Easter! We were given a chance to redeem those lost days with renewed faith in our heavenly Father, who deeply cares for us. We also came away with a desire to encourage others walking through hard places.

Thank you for walking with me through this journey of uncertainty, suffering, waiting, and ultimately finding hope. I am reminded of a wooden sign hanging in my house:   Even in this…I will trust Him!                                                                                                                                                                                              April 10th   It has been quite the journey this spring, but God is faithful!

What is your “even in this” today?

Maybe you are waiting for medical answers, struggling with a relationship, worrying about someone you love, or facing a future you cannot control. Trust doesn’t mean you won’t be afraid. It means that even when you cannot see what God is doing, you can choose to place what you cannot control into the hands of the One who can.

Even in this…I will trust Him!