Broken Fingers
Reflections on how Adoption broke my fingers.
Linda Fisher
1/28/2026

The break was necessary, crucial and fought mightily against.
I had my passionate dreams.
I had my plans.
Life all planned out well to the smallest details.
I told God my dreams. Large family. Color coordinated. Racially integrated.
Raising orphans to reach other countries and cities that were so in need of the touch of GOD to better their lives. To bring the gospel.

After child rearing years,
And after we did our good works and raised all ours for God’s Beautiful Glory,
Hubby and I would retire and enjoy our years of hard work.
We would travel, be with friends, and lay on warm beaches in the south while our family endured old man winter in the Northeast. Maybe work at a camp as a volunteer ministry.
We would make frequent trips to Pittsburgh to help with family and be welcomed into their lives.
Sharing ball games, fun times, ice-cream, exploring and enjoying life together.
Perhaps even owning our own vacation home!
Visit state and National parks.
Bike long trails.
Have beautiful fun family dinners and holidays together with lots of grands running around happily. All being the best of friends. Unified.

THEN we would fulfill our desires after we did our good works and raised our children for GODs service.

YES, I was a dreamer and could control my destiny!!

Isaiah 45:9 “Does the clay say to the Potter, What are you making?”
Isaiah 64:8 “Yet you, O Lord, are our Father…We are the clay, you are the potter and we are all the work of your hand.””
Job 42:2 “No purpose of yours can be thwarted.”

Yup, my hands clasped tightly around my dreams. I was going to make my dreams and visions a reality. I would do it for God’s glory through my energies and efforts. Really? Who needed God’s help? I was strong. I believed the lie thoroughly – Like Frank Sinatra’s famous song “I did it my Way”.

BUT GOD:

MY LOVING BEAUTIFUL FATHER GOD!!!
He stepped into my dreams and visions (that were made of imaginations, heart desires, and narrow mindedness) and had to break each finger because they were so closely held tight. Glued together in ignorance and self-made-ness. Nothing was going to get in my way and change my plans. I could and would make this work.

Each adopted daughter, with their sweet bodies, brains, and DNA full of trauma, created unseen in the havoc and chaos of evil, was seen and loved by GOD and used to break my fingers. Slowly, over the years of more questions “WHY?” than any book or therapist could find, I wept as each dream melted into nothingness. They seeped through every broken finger. I could not hold them or life together anymore. With my fingers broken my palms spread wide, I surrendered, gave up, let go of all my dreams, visions, wishes, and desires.

Life became a vicious cycle of therapists, medical visits, psychiatric intakes, evaluations, school counselor meetings about grades, poor behaviors, learning issues. Sexual exploitations, racial conflicts, emotional and physical abuse to each other, and more questions and no answers why or how to fix them.

As my rigid fingers broke, one by one, God in His deepest lavishing surgery, healed each one back, in HIS time to do HIS work HIS way. In a way my fingers loved staying wide open in surrender. They loved the warmth of the Spirit’s presence that brings delight and trust and joy in the Fathers presence.

My fingers know now that GOD is ALL GOOD, ALL kind and lavishly loves each person made in HIS image.

They have learned to remain wide open in surrender. Because it means staying close to GOD’S will, plans, and the deepest of peace no matter the swirling out there that I cannot control.

When the brokenness from my adoptees separated our family unity for years, and continues to do so, it really is ok. There is hope. Someday with God’s power and working there can be healing. If not, I surrender that too.

Instead of my girls spreading the gospel to other needy countries they have brought many into our home to love and share Jesus unconditional love with. These find the home they never had, family they never had but wanted, and the peace and rest only Jesus can spread from a totally surrendered open hands.

My only regret is that it took so many years for me to learn this way of living my life. I wasted many but now focus on the future not buried in regret.