We’re in our 7th week of being out of our home. For almost 7 weeks I have felt a plethora of emotions and reactions over here- gratitude, provided for, loved, cared
for, sadness, frustrated, cramped, weary, cold (and also too hot while we figured out the right heat setting for the camper), nightmares, startling easy, short-tempered, quiet, reserved, sleepless nights, rested nights, laughter, and joy. But I am so thankful to say I have never, not even once, felt forgotten by God or our people. I have never battled questioning why this happened or anger that it did.

It’s funny, the enemy of our minds and hearts knows exactly what tactic to use to try to steal our focus and our joy – for me, he won’t ever win a battle of me questioning my faith, my God- nor His love for us. I haven’t ever been one to battle the why’s of life- I’ve just accepted circumstances in life and trust that He has a plan for it all, even when it doesn’t make sense to me.

But a battle I do have to “armor up” for, more frequently recently- is guilt. Feeling guilty for being sad, tired, weary, frustrated. I place guilt on myself because I know there are so many people who struggle to see God’s goodness in their circumstances. There are so many people who are truly suffering in this world and are truly wanting and needing for basic life necessities. And here I am finding myself sometimes feeling sad that my normal day-to-day routines have been completely upheaved, that we miss out on the normal (even mundane) aspects of our life because our focus is on the rebuild. Guilt that while it is admittedly mentally hard to spark the oven and stove in our camper to prepare a meal, I know there are people in this world who would give anything for a stove- even a camper size one at that. Guilty for feeling frustrated with trudging back and forth in this cold weather for laundry, while others may only dream of a washing machine in their home. Guilt for feeling displaced even though I am SO grateful we didn’t have to endure our entire house burning down and that we all have our health.

For me, those thoughts can be just like the smoke damage in our house- attempting to creep into every nook and cranny of my mind. And that’s where the devil 𝑑𝑜𝑒𝑠 try to battle me. And over the last 7 weeks, I’ve had days where I have had to mentally be aware to not allow him any entry into my headspace. But also, to allow myself permission to grieve what we’ve lost (time, routine, some possessions) while simultaneously being deeply grateful. To allow myself to practice what I preach to clients who have brought their hurts and pains to my salon chair- “pitching a tent in those dark moments is okay, but don’t lay a foundation there. You aren’t staying, just merely passing through”.

I can honestly say when people have told me how “strong” I am being throughout all of this- it is NOT my strength. It comes solely from every grace that God extends on us.  It is through His power ALONE that I can sit in those dark places and rise up again. The Bible speaks of our weakness being His strength and those words are pure gold to me… Because I have had dark moments but am always fascinated how God shows his love for us each in personal ways.  I long for it now- the moments after the darkness where we receive a text, email, card, a song plays, a scripture is read, a need is met- all reminding us that He will never leave us nor forsake us. That our suffering DOES produce endurance, which produces character, which produces hope… and hope does NOT produce shame! So, I can boast on my weaknesses because my weakness equals His strength. You will never hear me say I think we are strong, because apart from God, left to my own thoughts I am not strong. And I am learning to kick the shame I put on myself for feeling any of those emotions to the curb, because it has no place here. God’s love has been poured into our hearts. He has gone before us and He has not left us.

While 1.16.21 has left an imprint on our lives forever, more so has God’s provision for us over the last weeks- through you…. through our church family, through friends from long ago and brand new. So, while the days here aren’t always upbeat, I can promise you there isn’t a moment of any day that goes by that we don’t know the provision and love poured out on us. And there isn’t a week that goes by that we don’t use this to show our kids God’s goodness, and the bond that we create by having walked through this as a family.

The other week, I walked through our home writing Scripture on the studs and drywall. Quite frankly, it made me feel like I was giving the finger to the devil by declaring 𝗧𝗥𝗨𝗧𝗛 on the walls of our home.

As for an update on our situation- we are seeing progress on our house! Korey has pulled off other projects to focus on getting our house restored. He is hopeful that we will be back “home” by June. Obviously, delays can be expected, as with any construction project. As for a reopening date for my salon, I don’t know. There is a chance I will reopen before our home is complete and there is a chance that I will allow myself to move in prior to returning to work.

Many have asked how they can help. Korey has taken over the reins of the physical aspects of the house and we do have workdays that will need to happen, with more hands-on deck. We will be sure to continue to reach out for those, as they come. Sometimes they have been last minute, as scheduling can change with the construction world. But we will certainly continue to need and use helping hands. Also, meals have been an incredibly huge blessing to us. It is one less thing I need to manage and very graciously, more dates have been opened up. (I will post the link in the comment section for those that have expressed desire).

𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗡𝗞 𝗬𝗢𝗨 for every card, text, helping hand, meal, prayer, provision in every way. I have tucked away each note and scripture, to keep. And thank you for allowing me to share on here, as some days it is easier to do so than individually respond in detail. For almost 7 weeks you have offered help and encouragement in some way, and we are so incredibly grateful for your unwavering love for our family.