Isaiah 45:9 Does the clay say to the potter, “What are you making?”

We have this running joke at the office about… well, me. 

Actually there are several, but let me share one of them- I occasionally have difficultly leaving the office just one time.  I gather up my things to leave for the day and walk out the door.  And then as I’m making my way out to my car, or starting my car, or driving out of the parking lot, or half way home, I think of something I forgot or something else that I needed and have to turn around and go back into the office.  My colleagues believe that this happens all of the time and think it’s a riot.  I have to admit it happens more often than I like, but not every day. In fact, there are times when I’m making multiple trips because I’m moving a lot of stuff. Of course, the staff makes no distinction… as I re-enter the office suite I sometimes hear Carol laughing or Hannah cynically saying, “He’s back!”  The other day I knew I left my cell phone on my desk, but the risk of entering the building was too great. I just went home.  

I am so misjudged.

So it’s gotten to the point where sometimes I don’t even tell anyone i’m leaving so I can come back without people knowing I left.  I have also been known to sometimes try to sneak in the back door of the church and tiptoe up the hall for my return trip hoping no one will see me.  I’ve thought about leaving my office window slightly open so I can I can access my desk from the outside… but that would create issues with the alarm monitoring company.  … Sigh.

Of course I’m sharing all of this in light-hearted fun, but there is a darker side to this which is not confined to leaving needed office supplies at the church.  It seems like many times when I fail to perform up to my own expectations in an obvious or public way, I start an unhealthy internal dialog.  I can’t find my keys, “Idiot!” I’m late for an appointment, “Jerk.”  Forgot a task, “Fool!”  The self-deprecation increases with the size of the perceived offense until they become (on occasion) unprintable.  The enemy doesn’t even have to take a shot at me.  He just hands me the weapon and I do the work myself. How sad. How defeating!

If someone came into my office and shared this with me, I’d tell them to stop believing lies.  I’d tell them to cut themselves a break- God has extended grace to them so maybe they should extend grace to themselves.  I’d tell them that God doesn’t define them by weakness and failing, so why are they? I might also suggest that pride is at play.  Why are they so concerned that others view them as having it all together when we already know that they don’t?  Finally, I would tell them that God has promised to work through weakness- if God could work through the apostle Paul’s weak preaching (1 Corinthians 2:1-4), the apostle Peter’s hotheadedness and denial, King David’s infidelities,  and Gideon’s timidity; isn’t there hope for all of us? 

Great advice, but it’s always harder to practice what you preach, isn’t it?

Part of living free in Christ is accepting our humanity and resting in God’s grace for the rest.  It doesn’t mean I shouldn’t work at my organizational skills, apologize to those I’ve let down, take a serious look at over-commitment or get on a vitamin supplement for forgetfulness; but even if all that fails, Jesus is still shaping me, God still loves me, and I am a victor in Christ.  And so are you!