In the early 1970’s Stanford University professor and psychologist Walter Mischel developed what has come to be called “The Marshmallow Test.” Have you ever heard of it? It’s a classic study on delayed gratification and self control. In the study, a child is offered a choice between one marshmallow immediately or two marshmallows later, if they are willing to wait for it.  After explaining the choice to the child, the researcher would set out the tasty treat and then leave the room for 15 minutes. When they returned, the child was rewarded (or not) based on their choice. The study and subsequent studies in the 1980s and 90s suggested that the children who demonstrated greater self control, later on in life, outperformed the children who didn’t in life skills and several benchmark competencies like the SAT.  For most children, though, the marshmallow is almost irresistible. It also is an incredibly cute experiment to watch…

So, I’ve got a provocative and intensely personal question for you.  Ready? Be honest with me, OK?

When it comes to self-control, what is your marshmallow?

What is that struggle that consistently defeats you, that thing that you habitually reach for, or that battle that seems to consistently overwhelm you?  What is it that you long for victory over? When we think of “the marshmallow”, we often think of our struggle with the flesh and temptation- things like lust, addiction, greed, over-eating and the like; and I’m not minimizing that. These are very real struggles that we face.  But do you know what I am finding to be an equally real struggle for people right now?  The battle for the mind- things like fear, insecurity, worry and anxiety.  Just type “Corona Virus” or “COVID-19” and the word “anxiety” into your search engine and see what you get.  Fear can be crippling and lead to a whole host of negative emotions- panic attacks, depression, anger and even physical illness.  And many times when we experience these negative emotions, we self-medicate by… you got it… reaching for that marshmallow, again.

So what are we to do?

Well, I’ve got good news for you.  As a believer, your self control does not rest in YOU.  It’s not something you gin up, or white knuckle through.  Instead, it’s produced in our life by our Heavenly Father as we yield to the Holy Spirit.  As we abide in Christ, recognize his sovereignty, rest in his goodness, soak in his love, rejoice in his faithfulness, and celebrate his grace, our lives become more and more like  Jesus.  2 Corinthians 3:18 assures us that:

We all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

Isn’t that a comfort? Self control (and all the fruit of the Spirit) comes as we spend time with Jesus.

Years ago, a friend and colleague of mine, Pastor John Stroud preached a message that deeply impacted me and continues to do so.  It was based out of Jeremiah 2:13.

“For my people have done two evil things:
They have abandoned me—
the fountain of living water.
And they have dug for themselves cracked cisterns
that can hold no water at all!”

In that message, John pointed out the many things we often substitute for life in Christ- things like food, sex, alcohol, control, entertainment, even religious observance and “righteous living.”  None of these things are wrong in and of themselves, but when we try to squeeze life out of them and substitute them for relationship with God, they become idols.  None of these things can satisfy our thirst for God, so they become “dry wells” that yield less and less satisfaction and demand more and more of our attention.  They become our marshmallow.

I believe that in this time of stress and isolation many are turning to their marshmallow, when our Heavenly Father is lovingly inviting them to find rest in Him. The temptation is real and the stakes are high. If that’s you, will you join me in this prayer?

Lord, forgive us for replacing you with the things, stuff and experiences of this world.  Now that many of them have been stripped away, we are beginning to recognize how empty we’ve become.  We want to return to you, Jesus, our source of true life.  May we truly find that even in times of social distancing and isolation, you are enough.  Amen.