A devotional by Miki Clouser

This year, our Pastors are doing a series on the colors of Christmas- Blue, Green, White & Red. I’ve been excited, wondering what each color will stand for, and what aspect of Christmas will be highlighted each week.

This past week was “blue.” The worship service was designed to acknowledge the pain, sorrow, and longing that many of us experience during the holidays and then pointed to Jesus as the ultimate satisfaction for all of our needs.  I, along with many others, placed a blue Christmas ball on the blue Christmas tree as a witness to the pain I bear.

 Over the past few years, starting in about 2018, I have watched my family fall apart. Explode might be more accurate. Ever since I can remember, my family was my identity; but in many ways it’s no longer something I want to be identified with at all. Not because I don’t love my family, but because many of them have walked further from God than I’m willing to go. It’s been crushing. So has maintaining healthy boundaries and choosing to follow God over all else I love. Each new holiday brings anxiety and heartbreak. It’s been brutally hard; in a way I can’t explain and you can’t know unless you’ve been there.

As Pastor Steve talked about Simeon waiting years to see God’s salvation, I could identify. I’ve prayed for decades to see healing and even tried to facilitate it. I’ve begged God to reach the hearts of people who have heard the gospel, but don’t live in its victory. I’ve waited for His salvation to fully impact those I loved. Then I’ve watched them live contented with mediocrity or hypocrisy until it destroyed us as a family. Now every interaction is a minefield and I’m scared to lose a limb. Or another family member.

The story of Simeon is curious to me. One day Simeon arrives at the temple and God tells him that a random babe in arms is the long-awaited Messiah- the fulfillment of a thousand years of waiting by Israel and the culmination of a lifetime of waiting for Simeon. As Simeon holds the Christ child, he declares: Sovereign Lord, now let your servant die in peace, as you have promised. (Luke 2:29 NLT).

If this was a children’s movie, at this point, you’d hear the sound of a record scratch as everyone and everything stops to stare at the guy who just said or did something ridiculous.  Did he just say he wants to die? He can now die happy because he just saw a baby who can’t walk, talk, heal, or prove in any way that He’s really the Messiah? What in the world? What just happened?

Two weeks ago, Dr. Mark Farnham guest spoke at Bethany and spoke about the beginning of Jesus’ public ministry in Luke 4. There’s a 30-year gap between chapters 2 and 4 of Luke. So, Simeon is long dead before Jesus’ ministry even begins. Dr. Mark talked about how Jesus opened the scroll of Isaiah and for the first time announced to the world, “that epic prophecy about Messiah I just read (61:1-3)? Yeah, that’s me.”

I don’t know what made me see this for the first time, but it struck me that Simeon just traded one hope for another. He didn’t really SEE the Messiah in action. He just believed. To put it another way, Simeon wouldn’t live to see any of the good stuff- the crowds, the teaching, the miracles.  He would never witness Jesus dying and rising again. He didn’t ever see Jesus BE the Messiah. Simeon traded one hope for another. He took God at His word that he would see the Messiah before he died. And then he took God at His word that this random cooing infant of a poor peasant couple really was the Messiah before He could even say a word. Before the lame walked. Before the blind could see. Before the brokenhearted were healed. Simeon believed this baby was it. God’s word was enough before Jesus could even prove it.

Now faith means putting our full confidence in the things we hope for, it means being certain of things we cannot see. Hebrews 11.1.

The things that make my Christmas blue may not resolve in the way I want. In fact, I may never see the hand of God fully accomplish what I pray and hope for. My faith may only ever be realized in a tiny way in my own lifetime. But I pray that like Simeon, when God tells me the seed of my answered prayer is right in front of me, I can have faith in what I cannot fully see. And that I too can choose to live and die in peace (shalom), whether I see the fullness of God’s promises or like Simeon just glimpse the teasing edge.